The art of relationships. It's one that requires patience and kindness. Not just for the other person, but for yourself. I'm single, I'm quarantining, and yes, I get lonely too. I think about my dream girl, and that balance of if I know her or haven’t met her yet. But, I ponder on these thoughts because the question that remains is, am I ready for her? What does it take to be ready? Do I know me, well enough to introduce myself to her? What I like, what I love, who I am, my trauma, my triggers. Before I can fix my mouth to question her understanding of self, I have to take inventory and really talk to myself. I get it, what does this single guy know about love and relationships? Ish, what are you talking about? Smart people learn from their own mistake, wise people learn from others. I have lived and learned and loved, and am surrounded by people doing the same. I think people take for granted how men talk about relationships. We don't take the dirt to our friends, but what we do is come to each other for clarity. In a way, the way me and my best guy friends talk about relationships is like we are losing a basketball, football, video game and we are trying to win in the fourth quarter. The thing about actively losing versus feeling like you've lost, is introspection. Now you can look back and think, what you should've done when you lose. Or you can look t how you can Michael Jordan your way to a victory in a situation by looking into yourself. DISCLAIMER: Winning is not about winning the argument, it is about salvaging a relationship that is worth it. But that may be a blog for another day So, how do you win, by remaining active throughout your dating efforts. Now I am not going to generalize and make this a man versus woman thing, because we going to win (kidding, maybe lol). But I am going to dissect dating at its core. Now you can tune into my podcast or YouTube show where I discuss this more but for the blog sake, I am going to be brief and direct. PUT IN SOME EFFORT Dating is an active experience. You must be fully willing and open to give. Listen, we all feel like the catch. You are special and someone will meet you, adore you and happily ever after and blah blah blah. But let's be real, are you only seeking a relationship to be love. I want my next relationship, and shit potentially final relationship before marriage, to be one where I am loved but love even more with a partner who feels the same. Too often, we look into ourselves and someone wanting us that we neglecting exuding someone worth wanting. Yeah you cute, but don't let that shit go to yo' head. You have to be willing to connect with someone to keep their attention. Another analogy, let's look at dating as a race. Are you treating it as a marathon or a sprint? Are you looking for the excitement of a relay race type of love? Where someone gives their all, in short bursts, before you give any effort. Are you looking to be wined, and dined and bought out of your love, before you turn around and return the love? Or are you running a marathon with this person where there's constant encouragement from both parties to keep things going. Are you pouring into someone as much as they are pouring into you? Most people allow their partner to give of themselves until they cannot give anymore. This breeds resentment and a feeling of your time being wasted when you give and get nothing in return. Sometimes, it is too late. You can’t start jogging after someone has been sprinting for your affection. The real question is do you want to be wanted or do you truly want that person. The idea of setting tests and limits for someone that you decided to let into your life in hopes they may satisfy the requirements is some narcissistic stuff. Now don't get me wrong, relationships are always about the chance of things not working out. But you have to be real and look at the dynamic of the relationship. We all saw the fact lawyer dude talk WILD about being the catch and whatever foolishness he was saying. He displayed some massive insecurity, self-absorbedness and anxiety. However, have you ever thought how he is not too different from the person within the dating world. You know all your qualities and traits, and everything that makes you better than the next person. So, you feel entitled to a certain type of love, respect, and level of pursuit. But have you every truly taken the time to examine whether or not you are able to humbly love, respect and pursue somebody in that same way. You cannot get, what you aren't willing to give.
So before I decided on my Mrs.Right, I got to know we are both ready to give what we require of one another, to one another. I know this was kind of long so I'm going to end it here. Feel free to hit me up if you want to talk more. May is looking real quarantine-y, so we have nothing but time. We can get some discussions really going on zoom, FaceTime or whatever. What do you think, are you prepared to pursue someone, the way you like to be pursued?
1 Comment
11/11/2022 07:08:36 am
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